Welcome to Goliath National

Goliath National Bank is where wings take dreams, where anyone and everyone can put food on their family.

We make your dreams come true or at least make them go away forever.

Give us your money and we'll give you the experience that is necessary to survive in this cruel little world.

The most evil place in history

It has come to our attention that certain people have labeled us “The most evil place in history”. We would like to clarify our position on the mater. Our position is that this does not bother us in any way.

Goliath National Bank Barney Stinson bro oath

On the contrary, we are glad that someone thought of us as being higher up the food chain than the likes of Los Pollos Hermanos, or Vancouver. We also managed to beat Rome, the Soylent Corporation and Lexcorp.

To prevent any future corporation from stealing our spot, we have taken some extreme measures. As of now, plans are underway to launch our new subsidiary, Cyberdyne Systems. That way, nobody else can come up with it and threaten the existence of mankind. We’ll use it purely for noble purposes, such as extracting fur from little kittens. Promise.

We hope that this manages to tone down your fears and that you will continue to invest with us. To mark this special event, for one month, we are removing all restrictions on transactions involving baby seals (taxes and fees may still apply).

Goliath National expanding overseas

We have wonderful news for all of our customers. Goliath National is undergoing massive growth and has now expanded overseas to Ellis Island and Key West.

Goliath National branches map

Now international businessmen on international business trips can visit our branches in 369 different countries (not including Persia and Sealand).

We look forward to your money. Lots of it. Bucket loads of cold hard cash.